What I learnt as an IEBC voter clerk

What I learnt as an IEBC voter clerk

By MUSYOKA NGUI

One year ago today I was a Voter Registration Assistant with the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC).

  It was my gap job which led me to other opportunities elsewhere. During that time, as a Voter Registration Assistant, one had to work with colleagues to list voters in social places.  I was based in Kathuri, a tiny town in Mwingi North that teemed with Kambas and Somalis herding cattle and camel and school children chasing their dreams in government facilities.

  It was a chance for retrospect as I when dusk fell there was no electricity to charge phones and mobile network was one bar that was shaky and only available in known “hotspots”.

  Staying alone and sleeping on the floor with foolscap of a mattress was a most humbling experience.

  At the work station, we registered many people. The youths gave us a wide berth as if they did not know what we were doing.  We went to secondary schools with students older than me but their teachers chased us away saying their pupils were “underage” and thus we were wasting time.

  We camped at gates of markets, schools and road junctions waiting for passersby we had no date with.

  Sensing we might fall below the targets we even got the backing of the  National Registration Bureau and the County Government of Kitui who sensitized the voters that it was in their own interest to participate in the civic duty.

  Overall, the 30 days were each different. From the headmaster who recharged our batteries when our own fell flat to the canteen owner who gave us a shade, all these people facilitated our stay in their jurisdictions. We thanked them for that.

  The deciding constituency in my area was not the smartphone touting teens or the college students on holiday idling around. Neither was they recent grads. The network of elderly women and men, especially women, are the game changers in any election in the North. They are loyal to a fault. They register and turn out to vote.

LIKES AND EMOJIS

  The indelible ink on their finger has mighty power that the ranting social media addicts cannot muster even after trending useless garbage. That is why Facebook governors, presidents and whatnot will fail on August 8 by 8 am.

  The ballot box is not won by likes and emojis. It is won by votes cast after registering as a voter.

  Dear 2017 VRAs, you will trek. Like us, the police post will demand a bribe for keeping your BVR. You will oblige once and next day you will sleep with the BVR in your room after the police say no bribe no BRV custody-as if they are not paid by tax payers to guard public property.

  Party loyalists will accuse you of favoring some areas and non-disclosure of the turn out as if they were the local Registration Officer. They will call the politician and tell him that you have hidden the BVR under your bed.

  But remain focused in your work. Don’t politick like them. During the 30 days, they will curtail your opinion and gag you openly. Others hoodwink you to side with this or that. Your job is clear, register voters and do so efficiently.

  Like us, you will idle at the station. We used to play all games we know until we get bored again. You will take turns until it becomes a routine. Lastly, strike a deal with your boda boda rider to be dropping and picking you to be punctual in your work. There is no better job than serving your country, especially the lowest in the social ladder. They respect you and are proud that this time change is coming, not by the bullet but by the ballot. Good luck and remember to buy something with the stipend. A chicken, a goat or sheep and call it IEBC. Hahaa…!

Best part, you will know new places and people.

PS: Back then, the recruitment was quite open but this year there were a lot of murmurs and discontent from former candidates, veterans and aspiring ones. Dear reader hit me up.

10 marks of interview or Technical Knock Out? A tale of Kenyan government job clearance system and why it needs reform

10 marks of interview or Technical Knock Out? A tale of Kenyan government job clearance system and why it needs reform

All clearances expire in a year thus they need renewal-an extra burden to a jobless taxpayer/Musyoka Ngui

By MUSYOKA NGUI

It has become a norm for candidates of public service jobs to make multiple clearances before being shortlisted for interviews by the government. The exercise is informed by Chapter Six of Kenyan Constitution: Leadership and Integrity.

  One is expected to submit certificate of good conduct from the CID, clearance from a registered Credit Reference Bureau, Higher Education Loans Board, Kenya Revenue Authority and the Ethics and Anti-Corruption Commission.

  In part, the above measures are meant to fight corruption which has pervaded the Kenyan public service system. For one to be able to clear satisfactorily they have to have hindsight by making the requisite documentation and at times going physically from department to department. This is not enough for the set 14 days’ notice after announcement of jobs.  It is essentially a technical knockout for them that may have been uncontaminated by graft but the government bureaucracy and lethargy makes them not to make it to the interview panel.

  HELB and KRA have made their clearance and acquisition of compliance certificates more efficient by availing the services online. One can go to Huduma Centres for assistance of filling tax returns or to the nearby cyber café.

  But in the rural areas where the internet connectivity is painfully slow the clearance comes with the additional headache of travelling to the nearest urban centers for chores that would be executed within a button’s click. 

  For one to clear with the EACC they have to get an advocate of the High Court to assist. But the learnt friend is at liberty to charge you as he or she wishes given the personal services are case by case determined as clients come.  It is high time the government caps the legal services to prevent unscrupulous lawyers from fleecing the wananchi.

  Collectively, the five clearance certificates contribute 10 marks for acing the interview and provide a significant bottleneck to cut out competition without necessarily guaranteeing the integrity of the candidates.

  The CRBs charge as much as Sh.2200 per financial statement clearance which is a lot for job seekers. HELB and CID charge Sh.1000 which is less than half the CRBs. The latter are fond of giving negative information to banks for clients with a view to increasing their revenues never mind the Central Bank of Kenya is supposed to tame them.

  Candidates should clear in advance before the jobs are announced to avoid last minute rush and unplanned costs of clearance.  They should also provide supporting documents such as national Identity Card photocopies, certificates and other testimonials which will enable the authorities to clear them. All clearances expire in a year thus they need renewal-an extra burden to a jobless taxpayer

She thought it was an entitlement, he called it a privilege

She thought it was an entitlement, he called it a privilege

By MUSYOKA NGUI

Like a jilted lover nursing many a broken heart chambers, the true measure of betrayal is best known by he who has had their backs stabbed by the very person who is supposed to have his back, as it were.

You could be helped by a stranger and be failed by a dependable persona who hitherto the disparaging disappointment ranked high in the reputation index of yours truly. Such is life. May lack logic, rationale and justification. Surprising and suppressing at the same time. Did they say the more the expectations the higher the risk of frustrations (read disappointments)?

A friend declared that they no longer trust human beings. Like a jilted lover nursing many a broken heart chambers, the true measure of betrayal is best known by he who has had their backs stabbed by the very person who is supposed to have his back, as it were.

Being the gift that keeps giving is akin to the altruistic monk that does good for the sake of doing good. A do gooder that has no stake, no interest, nothing to lose. He is like a casino that offers the field and the pockets the profits. The players might win but oftentimes lose. Player’s losses are a gravy train for the casino owner.

Needless to say that betting has been left to wretched souls that have resigned to fate and luck. They gave up on earning a fair and square income for lack of confidence and ambition.

Man, you can lose your wallet but not your worth. If you lack a standard anything goes. Which brings me to where I began. Papa told me as a man never give your kind a chance to pity on you. A weak cry baby that will die if sympathy is delayed leave alone denied. You open yourself to unprecedented amount of ridicule and embarrass the species that God created in order through them the world might be saved. Yet you are there waiting for a savior while everyone else thought you are the Messiah. Shame!

If you don’t keep your word, don’t give me an excuse. You are a con artist that talks smoothly and robs in plain sight. A bad debtor, a terrible liability, and a high maintenance depreciating consumable.

Everyone is looking for synergy yet you are draining energies from the very relationships we have helped foster. Like a merciless tick that sucks clotted blood of a dead cow, now know that your time is up. Whether in politics, policies the language is the same; what do you offer in return. What is that you got? Do you have the numbers? Are they looking up? Or you are the satanic bottomless pit that keeps swallowing and finally bites the hand that feeds it?

Lest you forget, time and chance happens equally to all but while others utilize theirs, you squander yours. Then what? Will we keep singing lullabies to you or work on our dreams?

Jubilee grand merger and ODM @10: Split TV screens and the role of media in political communication

Jubilee grand merger and ODM @10: Split TV screens and the role of media in political communication

photo credit:tuko.co.ke

By MUSYOKA NGUI

A big whale swallowed 11 fish at Kasarani in Nairobi. At the same time, the “largest constitutional party” in Kenya got its electricity transmission outage when its foremost principal was on the lectern. Welcome to Kenya 2017 Elections.

I must say that I spent the better day doing my thing as it were. The Idd Ul Adha Monday holiday break just extended my otherwise short weekend full of the green dot online omnipresence.

Journalists of repute flocked to Safaricom Stadium to “cover history” while others flew to the blue waters of Mombasa to witness either Raila declared de facto presidential flag bearer for Cord or shelving his fourth presidential dream.

Word went round that delegates at Kasarani were pocketing Sh.10000 per day translating to 30,000 for the three days of convention. The red party had logistical issues covered. From standby generators to mellow music to lots of space to dance and everything in between.

At one point, JP resorted to ushering in opposition party rebels and sitting politicians from the entire breadth of Kenyan ballot. Clearly, it was harvest season for JP that fashioned itself as the “national” and “unity” party while hurling epithets at the checker of government excesses that the latter were ethnic enclaves.

But on Friday night delegates threw a stinking egg on the face of DP Ruto when they claimed that they were not paid their allowances raising questions of cash flow. DP, with his charm straight from the land of Magufuli landed and went headlong to pander the whims of the party loyalists saying that “we are not just the JP but we are the government”.

But the straw that broke the proverbial Cord camel’s back was the eloquent UK’s speech that chose not to dwell on the Opposition but concentrate on the 2017 agenda and the perceived government “achievements”.

40 MPs, senators and governors crossed the floor and sat at the presidential dais. Yet they did not lose their seats and continue to draw salaries from their sponsor whom they have formerly filled the divorce papers. The season of political prostitution cannot be more scandalous.

But the self-acknowledged minorities in the Jubilee train chose to wax how they were lost and now they have been found and they have broken the shackles of Pharaoh and headed to Canaan. Ukambani artists namely Chipukisi and Vaati headlined the show that was filled with flamboyance and opulence. Have you asked yourself why the majority owners chose to watch rather than act? It’s PR. You got it.

Anyway, while JP was organized and calm, ODM was chaotic and restless. But the embarrassment of letting Baba terminate his speech prematurely will be the bane of KP who have now become the poster child of rude customer service and incompetent state company.

Without a doubt, the conspicuous absence of Cord co-principals Musyoka and Weta will only cement the JP’s propaganda rhetoric that there is discord in Cord. But the unnoted no show of the so called Third Force will remain the regret of prodigal sons who bit the hands that fed them. Over to you the voter.

Top Kitui Village Admins Speak On First Day in Office

Top Kitui Village Admins Speak On First Day in Office

I

 am told that they first call you an MCA before borrowing bad loans from you. If you don’t comply they call you their Governor now that the Senate is officially an empty shell.

By MUSYOKA NGUI

For me, writing is both therapeutic and liberating. There is some form of freedom that comes from passing a message across. Regardless. Not media freedom nor the freedom of speech. Something else out of this world.

It is emptying a heart out, venting thoughts and freeing up memory. For another space to occupy. 

Today I write about my day out with a newly appointed village administrator. You see when the County Government came up people started angling for opportunities. Devolution fruits, as it were. Turns out that it wasn’t what we had bargained for.

In media circles we got talking. Therefore I set out on a mission to understand what these niggers will be doing. Are their positions constitutional? Are they going to assist the now new sheriffs in the villages the so called Ward Administrators? Are they going to be the gubernatorial campaigners at the grassroots? How many are they?

On this first day I called a cousin who was appointed. She was collecting her appointment letter at the County Public Service Board HQ, the otherwise famed bastion of sleaze, they say.

After giggling for some seconds, she went on to wax lyrical that actually that job pays. Confirming the scandalizing rumors that the so called governor’s right hand spanner spinners will be well remunerated.

So when are you beginning your gig siz? This month ending. Have you resigned yet from your current post? Nope. I want to take my last pay first then quit.

Okay.

Next Village Admin was my typical boy in the village. By all inner village standards, he is an influencer. A serving community leader by his own right and a successful business man, with a young family, the appointment gives him the buttress roots he wants for stability and raising his young family.

But I pity the Village Admins because the public are conditioned to beg from their leaders by the political class of this Kenya. Their little earnings will be depleted by wananchi requesting for tea at the local Mama.

School committees, wedding planners and funeral mourners will find a convenient target to milk county cash. After all, he is our leader. The last man standing of the “able H.E. Gov.”

I am told that they first call you an MCA before borrowing bad loans from you. If you don’t comply they call you their Governor now that the Senate is officially an empty shell.

My third interaction was with a Village Admin candidate.  As you can guess he was all sweaty and anxious that the proverbial axe could fall on him that the front runners in the village job were wives of assistant chiefs and serving veteran chiefs. The only thing that is between me and that job, is prayers, says he. I am hoping that God will answer my prayers. The rest is Chemistry. I am told by his close friends that he quietly penned that resignation letter and he is in the tail end of his exit strategy. I will miss that buddy. God help you.

What still baffles your former colleagues is that you chose to leave so unceremoniously. You must have gotten a better deal bro.

So to you the voter. Go slow on the Village Admin. Don’t entangle him with village politics and shenanigans.  He needs to deliver. Leave the chief campaigner alone to trumpet the credentials of the sitting king. You must be an enemy of development to point out that the king is naked. See no evil, hear no evil. Eat. Stupid.

When an editor misses the reader only keyboards understand

When an editor misses a reader only keyboards understand

When an editor misses the reader only keyboards understand/Photo:QUOTESGRAM.COM

By MUSYOKA NGUI

D

id you leave because they pay you better up there? Did you resign or you were sacked? Did you sink in debts or you got tired of volunteering?  How can I break my career? Well, simple, as you broke your prayer fasting, so do your career but not as virginity. No one wants that pain

Why did you stop writing? Are you still writing? What is wrong with you these days?

These are some of the curious questions I get from my readers these past 100 days of non-strict day to day media practice.

While I have no intention of educating anyone on how media is wide and knowledge diffuse, I find myself at pains to explain to those curser clickers that it is still the same game but different game. Same player.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a comeback. It was never was. Never will be.  I write in my mind, in my thoughts, on my diary, on my phone, on papers, on keyboard, on tissues, on the palm and in many hearts and minds that read me globally.

But I have been getting an unfair rapping from the media colleagues and readers claiming that I have ditched media. Folks, I am in publishing, I am in Public Relations, I do newspaper articles whenever I can. I blog whenever I can like today. I miss my fans.

Apart from those unreplied WhatsApp messages and pending 1000 Facebook requests waiting for when the button will click, my Google Plus has been growing, my LinkedIn networks expanding but Twitter followers diminishing like it was the season of political defections in Kenya. People are switching loyalties.

Others are quick to give up. I no longer correspond with you. You never reply me. You are always busy. Well that is the damn truth. But no one tells a friend that you are being ignored or you are not the top priority right now. I too have been. It is not revenge, it is a cycle. Today you are up tomorrow you are down and life goes on.

Some solicit for news in the most pervert of ways. Ati where is Mr. Journalistic today? It’s long since we had updates. Truth is I also don’t know. Times citizen journalists do better reports than the scribes who criticized Jesus Christ.

Some are candid. They ask? Did you leave because they pay you better up there? Did you resign or you were sacked? Did you sink in debts or you got tired of volunteering?  How can I break my career? Well, simple, as you broke your prayer fasting, so do your career but not as virginity. No one wants that pain.

Nation Media Group shuts down three stations and merges two

Nation Media Group shuts down three stations and merges two

Nation Media House. Photo/Professional Consultants

By MUSYOKA NGUI

Nation Media Group has shut down three stations and merged two. NMG closed down Kenya’s Nation FM, QFM and Rwanda’s KFM. QTV has been merged with flagship brand NTV which will assume bilingual Kiswahili and English.

According to a memo sent out, the decision to shut down the multiple stations was attributed to embracing digital media and consolidating the East African market where the NMG operates.

The memo reads in part: "We are cognizant of the changing trends of how our products are being consumed. In line with this new reality, we are reorganizing ourselves with the aim of transforming NMG into a 21st century company by embracing digital as the business model,"
The whole idea, it seems is to stream live radio which again cuts against the grains of your regular radio listener who mainly is the rural population whose internet connectivity is to say the least, pathetic.

Nation Memo announcing clsoure of its stations. Photo/ Steve Mbego

It is this statement that leaves observers wondering how many online listeners can Nation have to command strong advertorial and editorial following. "We will also scale down our radio business (QFM and Nation FM) in Kenya and K FM in Rwanda. We will keep our signal alive and maintain an online presence in line with our new digital strategy,"
Kenya Union of Journalists has threatened to sue the NMG citing breach of Kenyan labor laws citing Section 40 of the Employment Act.

But those who remain hardly hit by the rationalization are the journalists who have been sacked effective being rendered jobless and redundant even as NMG promises that it will cushion them as they transition.

A journalist working for the media firm who spoke under the mask of anonymity said that he fears that the axe might be turned to him and others, adding that the sacking of top journos at the institution will send shockwaves across the media of Kenya ahead of 2017 polls.

“The top scribes leaving the Nation will come out here and take our jobs, hinder our promotion and hiring of fresh graduates.” The major players set to benefit from the exit of multiple channels owned by Nation are Royal Media and Radio Africa as well as Standard groups.

Elsewhere,  the Presidential Strategic Communication Unit has been disbanded sealing the fate of four staff majority former journalists safe for current State House Spokesman Manoah Esipisu. Dennis Itumbi, a top blogger and former journalist is among those affected.