There are reasons for all things that happen

 BY MUSYOKA NGUI

In today’s world where people are busy with many things, priorities tell what one values and what they don’t, even if they claim to.

 

Sometimes, a funny joke is told to pass a serious point, although this may be taken out of context.

Jokes can be very subjective and cultural sensitivities are required to be observed. Some jokes are too in-house that what’s funny may be hard to decipher for others.

There is a reason for all things that happen in this world. Nothing is for nothing.

Vai sere wiserasya. This Kikamba proverb can be loosely translated to mean every effect has a cause.

But truth is, with the dawn of digital technological advancement, people have become mean and inward-looking.

Often, I bump into old friends and new acquaintances. We have banter, we laugh, and we share stories. But days later, months later or even years, they call.

Others complain that I didn’t call them first. They say, wina namba yakwa na ndwinguniaa simu (You have my number and never call).  But they also forget they also have my number and do not call me.

So the net effect of that is that we all got busy with other things and claiming I am the one who dropped the ball on my side of bargain is very unfair and ill-motivated.

To their credit, we may have different clocks and may be free when others are busy or we are busy when others are free.

But understanding that fact may provoke arguments which have a with-all-due-respect prefix.

In other instances, I am the one to blame.

I rarely take prisoners and will be keen on flagging duplicitous conducts that appear well-meaning but in the broader analysis, they are selfish and narrow-interested.

This world has becomes so ingrained in what’s-in-it-for-me perspectives that people don’t care about others even if they have a history of benefiting from the latter.

Right thing

But still, there are selfless individuals who don’t do things to be noticed or applauded. That they are doing the right thing is enough motivation to take hours fixing it.

Owning up one’s mistake is a great step in having better engagements going forward. Especially when the error is meant to improve the relations of the parties involved.

Unfortunately, some puff up and question even the most good faith intentioned gestures.

At all times, it is great to stand up to bullies and let them know that there are boundaries that they cannot cross.

People who regard their own time better than others’ cannot differentiate between public and private needs. They just want their own interests to override that of the better good of the communities they are in.

Luckily, with the advent of mobile apps, these insights can be quantified and qualified in real-time. Some people reach out when they are in need but won’t help others who helped them when they were desperate.

What they cannot admit is that they are enslaved in deep self-pity and self-aggrandizement  and they need help to see the bigger picture and read the wall that big is not always better and small may be subtle, nuanced but yet pass a point that a big and hollow can’t.

It is worth it. It is worth helping others and welcoming others to help those in need. Likewise, never bite the hand that fed you.

Ask for genuine favours, avoid exploiting others

By MUSYOKA NGUI

Covid-19 pandemic has exacerbated an already bad situation. There are so many job losses and failure to return to normalcy even after a dip in the number of new infections.

Some people store books for the sake of being seen on the shelves. Photo/FILE

However, some mobile phone users have used the idle time to fleece others. Okay, don’t get me wrong. But they have become lazy and thankless.

As a tech-savvy and keen user of the internet, I get complaints from new users happy to be finally on board but their virginity in using the zeros and ones falls into unscrupulous netizens.

So many groups are formed, especially on WhatsApp for various causes and motives.  It is not bad to help although most of the users only remember the friends they are adding to the groups without introduction when they have needs.

You will receive random phone calls from “strangers” who after introduction go ahead and ask for favours.

Yet those long lost friends never bother to contact you when they do not need your help. And as soon as they are assisted, they quickly delete your number until next time.

What happened to honesty? What happened to being satisfied with what you only deserve and nothing more until the giver in their own discretion awards you more gifts?

Someone I won’t name visited a place where they were nostalgic of the better days. Then they called. Yet they never called when they were around where I was. So, because they were haunted by ghosts of the past, they remembered to hit the dial with the proverbial UKO WAPI enquiry.

Prestige

Since I read a lot, I come across readings that can help and I send to those who may bother to care. But it is disgusting for them to ask a question that was answered in those texts which they just stored for prestige.

Yes, some people buy books to store in shelves or to be seen as being avid readers but when you engage them in a discussion about a book you think they read because it visible on their shelves, they come off as not having read the book.

But for the sake of prestige and being seen by others as being knowledgeable, they won’t mind placing the said popular text at somewhere strategic enough for everyone to see that they have curved a niche that is less populated than the one the rest of us are jostling in.

Sometimes, it is important to cut the chase and live within your intellectual realms that are manageable rather than appearing sophisticated.

In the community spirit of Africa, we should be our neighbour’s keepers. A neighbour being not only someone who is located next to you but who is in genuine need not one that is exploitative and mean.

 

Vote with your wallet this Covid season

 It has been half a year of financial meltdown where businesses have shut down and people lost jobs.

Health CAS Dr Mercy Mwangangi reads Covid-19 report on September 22. Covid-19 has negatively affected Kenya's economy. Photo/MOH

Even worse is what is yet to come since many people with loans and mortgages are not sure how they will service the facilities. Ultimately, some will face auctioneers and their properties carted away by auctioneers keen to keep defaulters at bay.

Despite the ruthless financial downturn, some people are still stuck in old ways of doing things. They love being overly philanthropic and have a keep-change attitude. Others are stuck in predatory telecommunication packages which fleece them all seconds of their lives. They charge an arm and a leg for a service which is offered reasonably cheaper elsewhere. As if life depends on them.

This season will call for making hard decisions. Decisions that will be unpopular yet wise. Strategies which will be tough. Tight.

Gone are days of reverse calling people with telcos they dumped. Or sending them money without asking which line to send because they may never get the money sent.

However, despite all this, we still have kind people. Kind enough to remind us of opportunities we may want to venture into and still be better.

It is very rude to encroach on other people’s privacy this season without having the courtesy to politely ask them if it is okay. I have been added to groups which I don’t consider appropriate. But being good-natured, I ask the admin if it was the right thing to do or they just abused my right and think it is okay.

Privacy

As a consequence, I have taken it upon myself to guard my privacy. You cannot add me to your groups anyhow and expect me to cooperate.  You have to live with the reality of sending me the link which I reserve the discretion of whether to join or not.

I say so because people’s generosity has been abused this corona season.

And the best treat I think is due to such encroachers is to push them back and tell them it is not okay to bully a friend just because you have their phone numbers.

To others, social capital maxim is unknown to them. When they contact you after a long period, know that they either have a burial or a wedding and you must contribute if you want to be considered a true friend by their standards.

They never take the virtue of honesty with high regard. Transparency and accountability is alien to them. They thrive in shades, shadows and opaqueness.

It is okay to ask what’s in the deal for you. Don’t just join any group and help others help themselves as your own forte is raped and raided.

In this day and age where people are quick to condemn and judge others without hearing their stories, someone may just get your cellphone contact and the first thing they do even before greetings is “Siku hizi huwa hunipigii”, as if it must be one way and they don’t ask themselves what they did that caused you not to call as often as you did. Shame!

My long and short here is, use your head more often than your heart. Even the heart is run from the head.

Sometimes, truth abhors benevolence and is a good friend with mercilessness. It is good to have a win-win outcome in any relationship be at home, work or with strangers. If I give you a shoulder to lean on, do not snore.

Grandma, the world changed since you left

Grandma, the world changed since you left

Kawele Kasovo's grandchildren escort her in this final journey. Today is grandma's first anniversary since she died.  Photo/MUSYOKA NGUI

A year ago today, you left us. We still remember you. The mwing’athiko seats in your compound are still around.

On the day of your demise, I was home. I remember the dawn departure. Upon getting the WhatsApp updates, since I was home alone, I let the goat kids go and drink their mothers’ milk, despite my fond love for tea. I rode the bike to hospital and found people in whispers.

Despite all that rude shock, we were able to disabuse the notion of grief and mourning.  As Sovoline, we were the lead organizers of your final journey.  

We chose blue for your grandchildren and white for children. There was no black since we were not mourning. The branded T-Shirts joined our wardrobes.

Initially, we took them and arranged them in one wardrobe and about two weeks after your death, no one wore them. After enough time to accept the reality and move on, everyone went to the hanger and removed their size and either packed it or wore and returned to work.

Grandma, things have changed since you went to be with the Lord. The world changed. Due to Coronavirus that befell the Earth at the turn of this year, people no longer meet often. In fact, public gatherings for nonessential events are not allowed.

But during your funeral, we ate, drank and partied. We didn’t mourn. As tradition dictates, after the ceremony, wazees remained all night to keep vigil.

I have never seen so many close relations in a long time. During your last journey, I reconnected with my primary school teachers and colleagues. But one fact remains, we will never forget you.

The annual get-togethers and other family events will go on. You were so many things to very many people. To some, you were a parent, a daughter, a sister and a friend. But to us Sovoline, you were a grandmother, a partner in crime, a teacher and the best friend.