In bad taste and other cardinal sins committed by photojournalists

In bad taste and other cardinal sins committed by photojournalists

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hey forget and are not perfect. Neither are we. So we should not be unforgiving and steep them in unrealistic expectations as if we do not err.

BY MUSYOKA NGUI

musyokangui02@gmail.com

Last Sunday Cord leader and former Premier Raila Odinga was caught by The Standard wearing torn shoes. The left shoe was described as “laughing”. Mbugua Kibera was the keen photographer who captured the photos which set fire on Twitter and blogosphere.

As one of our own, and with admission of bias that comes with a sense of belonging, I liked Kibera’ shots. The brown leather shoes were certainly of high quality. But not before Ida Odinga, Raila’s wife came to the defence of her husband saying that Raila stepped on a stone in the church compound that disfigured the shape of her husband’s shoes. If the shoe was of superior quality why did it fail to withstand the pressure of gravel?

Kibera took a full shot of Raila plus three major close ups that contextualized the entire story effectively lending The Standard a perfect scoop in the dazzling world of photography.

I love the shots to bits. They showed gaping sole that not only exposed the human nature of the revered political figure but also gave us key lessons to mull over after that embarrassing incident.

I believe it was mature for Raila to choose not to sue The Standard for defamation even as the photos battered his image. Kenyans on Twitter (KOT) claimed that he was just another Kenyan reeling under the weight of hustle. One said Raila has been jobless since March 2013.

Baba’s infallible stature came under fire as people questioned his sense of grooming and hitherto negligence of his wife and security guards.  As a loving wife, Ida defended herself by saying she sanctions Raila’s dress style before he steps out. She even recounted that she picks her entire attire from wardrobe including shirts, trousers and coats. She dresses her husband.

FREE PUBLICITY

I think no one should be blamed more than Raila himself. Did he not notice that his shoe was breathing? What did he do?  Ignoring it only made him garner the much needed publicity. He exploited the media coverage to the last space and time.

It is only recently at the Coast that Raila was whipped by an old man. His security breaches should speak to the VIP personnel to be more vigilant and cushion the leader from further goofs.

Wardrobe malfunctions happen everywhere around the world but the attention they attract among celebrities should remind us that they are just like us. They forget and are not perfect. Neither are we. So we should not be unforgiving and steep them in unrealistic expectations as if we do not err.

ULIZA KIATU

A shoe is the ultimate accessory. Ask ladies. For men it can be just a tool to protect their soles and nails from harsh terrain but the way we treat our shoes can attract harsh judgement. Failure to brush your shoes can pass you off as unkempt while polishing your shoes may grant you desirable image even if the rest of your body is poorly done.

Question is, after the flickers and clicks of camera have gone and online banter fizzles out, did you put yourself in Raila’s shoes? Can you fill his shoes-figuratively and literally? Uliza Kiatu@H_art the Band.

The writer is a blogger at musyokangui.blogspot.com and a Fourth Year Communication and Media student at Chuka University.

How to get out of the friendzone

How to get out of the friendzone

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here is nothing as bad as always being very close but you have never been actually there.

BY MUSYOKA NGUI

There’s a plethora of Woman To Woman talk. The How To beat men in the workplace, scale the ladder, break the glass ceiling and generally blaming men on their failures. And so the relationship therapists have been kind in doling out “working” tips and tricks that will keep him in check. The rule book is continuously updated to match the complexities of today’s man who is essentially a moving target that cannot be pinned down with myths and propaganda. Do these people-the feminist crusaders- research or just hand out advice without prior knowledge of the same?

Now that is out of the way. I stumbled upon a well-written piece in The Standard’s  Crazy Monday aptly titled:  Girls, here’s how to ‘friend-zone’ nice guys you don’t want to date(February 8^th 2015).  If every woman in Kenya read it, it would drastically change relationships among adults as we know it. But Kenyans being pathetic readers from whom you can safely hide money among newspaper pages and be more secure than in a G4S guarded bank, I can safely place my last bet that few people-both men and women read it.  

The feature gave out tips that were aimed at extinction of men, using and dumping them at will and generally perpetuating a non-benefit affair skewed in favour of women. The writer, Duya Owuor claimed that the following tricks can work in helping women friendzone men:

1.      Dressing in unattractive clothing (read non-sexy; remember those Ng’ombe T-Shirts).

2.    Ignoring make up and grooming.

3.    Crashing a bachelor’s place unannounced.

4.    Projecting negative image of yourself such as breaking the wind in his presence, picking your nose, acting a social misfit.

5.     Looping him into your girly gossips.

6.    Acting as a tomboy.

7.     Calling him names such as “my friend, my brother, I see you as my father (if he is older enough)”.

After that the writer urged men to go back to the drawing board because apparently, men are not off the hook- just yet.

GIRLS LIKE BAD GUYS

Against the able writer’s advice I bring my help to the nice guy’s slavery in the friendzone. It is a curse to be nice to girls and women of today. No wonder they like bad guys. First, nice guys come off as blindly in love and vulnerable to exploitation. He may be your typical gentleman who opens the door for her girl to disembark from the car he bought her “out of love”. He may be the guy who is so forwardly thinking that he washes dishes, cooks and offers to sacrifice everything in the false believe that actions speak louder than words. He lives in a bubble that one day his hopes will be fulfilled. That the carrots he has been dangling will yield the prey he has been chasing at a cost of both arms and legs.

Nice guys have a good sense of humour, are “loving and caring”, have a knack of thinking by their hearts without consulting their heads which are supposedly intelligent since they are good conversationalists who wow their crushes with polished thoughts bordering on genius and philosophy.

Guys, let me answer the writer and offer you tips of how to get out of the friendzone, - for free.

MILKED DRY

First, the moment you realize she is in the relationship for her won strategic benefits, run for the hills man. She is just selfishly milking you and will drop you when your money and other resources are milked dry.

There are telling signs of a woman friendzoning you. For instance, she will dismiss your advances for a sexual relationship. She would rather remain just friends with you since she is “not ready” to settle down. She will flatter you that you are too good for her. Don’t believe her. If you are too good why doesn’t she make the move?

Never take a woman for an investment unless she is your wife. Cases are well documented of men who insanely and madly fell in love with women only to pay for their higher education while the man’s kin are languishing in grinding poverty and blissful ignorance. They were later dumped for more oiled men.

Know your priorities. Know what you want. If you are in the relationship for short term fling courtesy of your spoiling her with gifts and money, once you are done cut the chase. Any more investment only drags you closer to the dreaded friendzone.

 The surest way to move out of the friendzone is using your head rather than your heart. Don’t act out of impulse. Think and weigh your options. Are you taking a loan to please her or it is the prudent thing to do? Go beyond the 5Ws and H and ask yourself who won and who lost. What is the “so what” of the whole relationship?  Are you being taken for a ride or you are getting a 50-50 deal? If in any situation you analyze you find out that you are the losing partner, quit and thank me later.

Do your own background check of the lass gravitating to you in the name of “just friends”. Is she a serial gold-digger? Has she conned others before you? Do you enjoy being used? Does it actually make you come out as a resourceful, helping and dependable person? Be honest, man. You cannot claim to love her so much that you ignore your siblings; parents and relatives whom you rush to when things go haywire and have never failed you unlike her.

It’s good to draw some rules and stick to them. Define basic tenets of your relationship. This will make you cut back on your irrational expectations and save you the painful heartbreak if you get jilted. There is nothing as bad as always being very close but you have never been actually there.

BLOATED AND BRUISED EGO

If you know for sure that the relationship is just for passing time you will awaken to the reality that she will never be yours no matter what. You will learn to accept and move on. If your ego is not easily bloated and bruised, you can live with the reality that you are just mere friends and nothing more. Most importantly, you will know that it is not to her that you should direct your demands to but look elsewhere.

Be true to yourself. Unless you are not straight no way will you enjoy girly gossips and derive pleasure on listening to graphic descriptions of menstruation and how many shoes she has coveted yet she hasn’t quite brought herself to buying them without catching the hint that the conversation was a point of information that you are supposed to start saving for her in order to bag those heels.

A real man loses interest in shopping stuff, gets uncomfortable with cheap and baseless gossips and does not contribute to them unless he is defending himself about adverse claims which are of course sensationally fabricated to establish where his real loyalty stands in the tough times. Don’t budge. Take it cool and comfortably handle each case as they come.

Lose temper and you will regret your stupid actions and decisions.

Make use of your eyes. That is why God put them in front of your face. Trust me, when a girl is transitioning from a crush to a catch, some things will have to be reconfigured and you are the target of those new settings.  Observe if she has scaled down on calling you, texting or joking or even record the number of visits she pays, unannounced “surprises” or otherwise as well as original sins which she won’t own up. Don’t apologize on her behalf lest you breed impunity and blame game inside your already on-rocks relationship.

AVOID BLACKMAIL

If she doesn’t come clean, take a hard stand as long as you are standing on the truth. You will not be blackmailed. Better still she will know that you are not easily duped like the rest she has fooled.

They say nice guys finish last. Don’t be a victim of being boxed into the corner of friendzone. Men have a rude way of cutting connections like a Kenya Power blackout. While you are drifting away from the friendzone you will adopt some tricks. They could be common sensual, tactical, and at times borrowed from your experience, instinct and intuition. Disappear without a trail.

By the way one of the reasons why a girl would rather keep you as a “just a friend” is to avoid hurting your feelings given your ego. Don’t crash hers either.

But I don’t advise you keep the hope burning, as it were, thinking and wet dreaming that things will change in your favour in future. If they had not ripened all that time you’d waited what makes you think the future is bright? It makes both economic sense and social sense to move out of the friendzone. Good luck bro while you are at it. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.

The writer is a blogger at musyokangui.blogspot.com and a Fourth Year Communication and Media student at Chuka University.

Small ways which make big differences

VALENTINE’S DAY SPECIAL

Small ways which make big differences

“I guess having someone who knows and appreciates you for who you are rather than what you have is the best Valentine’s gift one can ever have.

BY MUSYOKA NGUI

musyokangui02@gmail.com

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ne of the most popular versions of the origin of Valentine’s Day holds that Valentine was a young man who helped Christians during persecution. His luck ran out and was caught, jailed and condemned to ruthless death. In a strange twist of fate, he struck friendship with the hangman’s daughter and on the dreaded day of execution that fell on February 14, he wrote her a note signed “Your Valentine”.

Saint Valentine is said to have been imprisoned for conducting wedding for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for preaching to Christians who were persecuted by the ancient Roman Empire. When serving his jail term, Valentine is said to have healed a daughter of his persecutor, Asterius. Before he was sent to the gallows, he wrote her a romantic missive signed “Your Valentine” as a way of saying goodbye. Celebration of Valentine’s Day is a reminder of his martyrdom and efforts men can endure just to say the famous three words: I Love You.

CONSUMERISM AND COMMERCIALIZATION

However, today Valentine’s Day is a far cry from its original intent and purpose. It is shrouded in excessive consumerism and bizarre commercialization of the holiday. If you are broke you are branded a loser and you are likely to be dumped on Valentine. It is a day steeped in high expectations skewed against one gender. Ladies expect to be treated like queens yet they do not want to make the same efforts for their men. They say a good turn deserves another but ladies somehow have a way to get away with it. But this double standard should be challenged by anyone who values equality, responsibility and genuinely believes in true love.

BUYING HAPPINESS

Valentine’s Day happens to come just as we recover from January blues and are likely to be broke. If you find yourself taking a loan to make your spouse happy then I dare say it is not worth it. If she loves you because of your money its better she leaves since not all times will your pockets be deep and full. This day need not give you unnecessary pressure. If she doesn’t understand you she does not deserve the special treatment.

Whether you are going through lean times or having some disposable income it is the thought that counts. Loving your partner is a daily exercise and should not be restricted to a Western import of what love is. Popular singer Madonna sang No Romance Without Finance. Well, it is true but it does not have to be everything. Love is expensive. Unrealistic and irrational expectations only serve to make it costlier. I guess having someone who knows and appreciates you for who you are rather than what you have is the best Valentine’s gift one can ever have.

So what’s the most appropriate gift to send a significant other this Valentine’s? You can spoil your loved one with roses, teddy bears, cards, candle lit dinners, travels, perfumes and phones. While in the overdrive madness of trying to buy happiness literally pause and think about your motive. If you want to conform to your peers’ pressure or are succumbing to aggressive marketing gimmicks splashed in the media then you are missing the whole point.

SEIZE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY

Valentine’s Day presents a perfect opportunity to send special messages to those who matter in our lives. Seize the moment and say thank you or even sorry by actions. After all, actions speak louder than words.

To be honest, gifting of any nature is supposed to reciprocal-at least to me. It is selfish to expect to be showered with gifts without you responding in kind. You don’t have to make it sound like you are paying back the loved one but s/he deserves it. There are millions of people who wanted to be remembered (but it never happened) and your significant other chose you. Is that not special enough?

This Valentine’s Day surprise your partner with a gift of your choice. Happy Valentine’s Day!

To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.
Then up he rose, and donn'd his clothes,
And dupp'd the chamber-door;
Let in the maid, that out a maid
Never departed more.

—William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act IV, Scene 5

The writer is a blogger at musyokangui.blogspot.com and a Fourth Year Communication and Media student at Chuka University.

What’s next? : Where we will go from here

What’s next? : Where we will go from here

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ampus life has been eventful. Fun, freedom, and friends. But the question on the lips of many is “What next after campus?”

BY MUSYOKA NGUI

Four years are closing in on us fast. So much has happened between and among us.  From freshman to sophomore to third year and now the final year. Actually, it's final semester. We have had memorable moments that will forever remain etched in our minds long after we've left Chuka University.

The question on the lips of many is “What next after campus?”. Most comrades are looking for jobs. Others want to marry, especially ladies. Few want to enroll for Masters. Others are skeptical about the future of media in Kenya. After field attachment people’s opinions on matters media have sunk. Complains are rife regarding the poor remuneration of media practitioners.  Reality is that jobs are few and far between. You have to be networked to be employed.  The phrase “knowing people” can never be more apt.

Campus life has been eventful. Fun, freedom, and friends. Some friends made here will be carried over to workplaces, homes and this or other university since learning never ends. But the enduring goal of this journey is academics. We hope that the certificates will open doors of opportunities for us. We so passionately want to follow our professions, to serve and to earn decent pay in the process.

After graduation it becomes official for one to exercise the power to read and do all that appertains to their degree.  I can’t speak for many public universities and colleges but the culture of excellence has been entrenched in Chuka University. Lecturers teach. Students study. Exams are done and transcripts returned promptly. Our class has been lucky to have top performers. No one is not teachable.

Some comrades fell on the way. I hope that they are safe and continued with their studies elsewhere. We too are leaving. But not empty handed. The lecturers who mentored us will remain to bring up yet another generation of scholars.

The Chuka University alumni are doing great in the industry already.  So far so good. This being a young university with few graduations it is our responsibility to market our Alma mater to students, employers, parents, government, private institutions and any other stakeholder interested in higher education. This onerous task is upon us as we leave Chuka University. We shall forever remain proud of this great prophetic institution.

Some comrades are not in a rush to leave at all. Others have landed jobs while at school. That’s great. Those who haven’t have volunteered in different capacities; cleaning the environment, visiting the sick, orphans and contributing fees for comrades who are bright but needy.

The business community must appreciate the economic boost that we have done to this locality. We have been faithful tenants staying in the houses of landlords. Mama Mbogas know the value of ten shillings due to the multiplier effect of so many comrades offering ready market. Bar owners bear witness to student patrons who drink and party like tomorrow is only a mere concept.

Another entity waiting for graduating comrades is the HELB. Ghai! Who will pay up those colossal sums of loans? Some can’t believe they gobbled up all those six digits. All is blown like powder in the wind. Dear comrade, for the sake of peace and avoidance of sabotage by HELB at the interview, pay up as soon as you get a job.

I trust tomorrow will be kind.  Challenge accepted. Bring it on. We have survived many ordeals. Then we were younger, less experienced but still made it. Now we are stronger, mature and best prepared. We are just entering the heydays. Our best days lay ahead. With God we shall overcome regardless of the challenges.

Thanks everybody for your contribution. It has been great knowing you and the difference you made in our lives can’t be appreciated enough. Cheers!

The writer is a final year student of Bachelors of Arts degree in Communication and Media at Chuka University.